HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
