I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
