currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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