all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
