Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
