I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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