i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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