He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize