Define "chronic" masturbator.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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