dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
