Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
