It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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