I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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