I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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