You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
