Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
