btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize