i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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