new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize