pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
