you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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