'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
