i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
