You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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