I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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