Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize