my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
