I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
