I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Another day, another engagement, another cat
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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