Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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