And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
