that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
