My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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