i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
do herpes really smell.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
