I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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