I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
