I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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