youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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