Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize