This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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