I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
