Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
