im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
where are you?
Hypothermia
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
