tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
