you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
