The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is Oprah even human
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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