I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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