Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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