You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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