paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
