Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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