the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
