He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
