I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The struggles of a small town man whore
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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