The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
