Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
