when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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