I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
