I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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