Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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