the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize