I'm so fucking centered right now
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
