I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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