i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Your cock deserves a montage
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
