if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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