Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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