i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
