he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I didn't notice because vodka
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Pooping to opera.
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