Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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