Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
