i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
