At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
