It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
