I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
