Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Drake has all the answers
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
