I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
