he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
