eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Everyone says I win the strip club
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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