i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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