Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
