My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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