Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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